Earwigs from Hell to Breakfast

It is summertime again and while this means hours of fun and frolic in the sunshine to some, it means the horrific creatures nightmares are made of to yours truly.  That’s right, I’m referring to earwigs.  Don’t know what I’m talking about? Go ahead and Google Image it.  Dare you.  Saw it? Yeah.  Sick, eh? When I say I hate those little bastards I don’t mean I want nothing to do with them (though I don’t) it means I get the most awful feelings of dread when I see them slithering up the wall or skittering along the floor.  Part cockroach-part centipede-part devil, these little demons seem to be taking over my life.  And though every time I find one I grab it with keelex and flush it immediately (oh yeah, they don’t die unless you drown them, sounds like evil to me) they keep coming! I find several each night.  They remind me of the Queller demon on Buffy that crashes to earth and preys on patients of the mental ward at the Sunnydale hospital.  Seriously Google Image THAT. In fact, don’t bother, here’s a link http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/Queller .  The demon appears in the episode “Listening to Fear,” coincidence? I think not.  You know what else can’t possibly be a coincidence? That it was once believed these little satanic beasts would crawl through your ear and into your brain, making you a demon.  Some of you may be thinking, duh Sarah hates earwigs, we knew this, what spurred the blog? To which I answer, I’ll tell you what keep your pants on!

Today I was innocently sitting on my bed with my laptop checking out FB, checking my email, youtubing, the usual, when I felt a slight pinch on my right thigh.  I swatted the area and found nothing, so I went about my business.  Not moments later I felt a similar pinch in the same area.  Was I imagining things? I lifted my laptop and did a quick sweep of the area.  Nothing.  Just a few minutes passed when I felt another pinch, this one more distinct than the last two but decidedly similar to them.  This time I stood up and when I looked down at my bed what did I find but one of those Queller-ish, evil-looking, thigh-biting monsters!  I uttered a small cry of shock and horror before escorting the fucker via Kleenex to the toilet and flushed joyously.  Upon further investigation the locations of all three pinces now sport tiny red bumps, proof, if you ask me, that these little shits are evil and out for blood.  Moral of the story? When we have heavy springtime rains we will have heavy earwig populations, and since they LOVE to crawl into cloth crevices, not a single place is safe. 

I was then forced to take a shower because I felt as though there were earwigs all over me, from hell to breakfast as my mother would say. I forsee a sleepless night made of earwig wiggins.